1:39 AM

Random emo rant

Right now I feel so mean ;__;
I nearly forgot my parents dog outsite in the garden so it was standing out in the halffrozen weather for I dont know how long D:
I'm jsut happy it began to scratch on the window so I could remember it and let it in. Right now Im sitting with it on my lap, have covered it in a blanket so it can get warm again. I think it can feel that I am going home to my apartment tomorrow.
Not that I look forward to it, actually one of the only things I look forward to for the time being is that within 2 months I am getting pet rats TWT <3 Have kept it somewhat a secret for my friends untill last month, but I have been thinking of getting pet rats for quite some time. I have always loved the little fellas, they're like small version of a dog! you can have them in your pocket.. A pocket-dog ^w^

I look so much forward to it.. Though there are soo long time to the rat breeder where I am getting my first rats from, just first got the mother pregnant last week.. But still.. Pet rats! 8D
Besides form that little light spot in my life I also look forward to, hopefully being with Shinji the week after Okashiicon, that I sadly wont be at because I dont have the money ( or any new cosplays.. Im tbh tired of people calling me 'the best Undertaker ' since I feel like a very fail and chibilooking Undertaker, I hate the cosplay, it is uncomfortable, not to move around in, you cant see very much and the hat and wig is just like FFFFFFF--! )

Else the last 12 days have been somewhat unlucky, and somewhat depressing.. I have been visitn gmy parents for those days.. Both my parents are having a depression and my father told me that he seriously think he might die in this spring as he have been nearly only living on medication since November. He and my mother are going to the doctor every 14th day ( or.. in my mothers case it is every week as her depression if pretty big >>' ) I'm afraid my father is right as I have seen how he cant even walk 50 metres without getting pain in his leg and not being able to breathe normally. Heck he cant even take a bucket from the livingroom to the kitchen ( which actually are 1 and same room )
I'm worried about him.. Have been thinking of going to a church or just light a candle for him at home.. I dont see myself as christian, but I like to turn on a light and/or incense while thinking of the ones near me, trying to send them 'healing vibrates' so to say ^^; I know it sound silly, but I feel that its the best I can do when feeling like I do right now.


In the cosplay-way I feel like I am sitting in the same spot as I have been in for so long time. I want to sew but both my sewingmachines need to be repaired and I dont have so many money for fabric, wigs, shoes, contacts and such. -_-
God I wish I had a job or education so I could get more money, so I could pay off my depts and my bills and after that actually have money enough to make more than one meal a day.

// Yokume

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