11:55 PM

Lonely nights

It is dark outside, thet fthou clock on my computer shows 01.44 AM.
Maybe it would be the best to just go to bed now, but I dont feel tired. Being witout a education or a job ( Because I've been told my personality keeps me away from getting any, -_-' )
Without friends around me, the days soon begins to go their own way.
Sitting day in and day out, writing and playing on the computer.. Nothing else to do. Watching some anime, reading some manga online and updating stuff at DeviantArt.
I would love to work on some cosplays, but I cant afford it, no..

I own people money, and that is what is always on my mind, when looking at clothes, shoes, when buying food, even when waking up it is in my depressive mind.

Sory for making my first blog sound so emo, but nights and days can get long and lonely, without any else reason to live then turning on the computer. I have also been thinking, more than once: no.. Not today.. The computer hates you thats why you try to seek comfort at it. Its just an empty machine, yet it have taken so much of my life.
But I've started to read again. Thick, huge books which actually says me something. I read to not get too mindblown by the computer.

I'm also sitting with the feeling that I want to take a run, but its hard when your foot still are hurting and aint healed after a meeting with a broken needle, which resulted in a visit to the nearest hospital. I cant wait till its healed. Then I can run again, run and feel that I am for use, just a litle. For use for my own body as i can feel the muscles and fat under my skin, feel the cold nightwind againt my sweating face.
It may sound disgusting for the reader, but for me it is something I enjoy: To pull myself out in sports, to feel alive and to feel that I am doing somthing good for myself and my body.

Now the screen shows 2.00 AM. I will now end this journal/blog... thing.. Take a feetbath, turn of the computer and then go to bed.

Good night

// Hyachiku


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