3:43 PM

Preparing for J-popcon 2013

Yes, I have moved since last time.
This mnth I honestly doubted I would have the money to get to J-popcon 2013, though it honestly doesnt matter that much to me, seeing as I have been so inactive as a cosplayer for years and therefore havent talked with my friends at cons, so I am likely to just feel like an awkward stranger when I walk there in the only Visual kei shirt I own.
With no pants, no shoes nor any makeup hair or anything else that will fit it to a better look..

I got a friend who want to pay for my entrance, doubted I ould have a cosplay to wear, again its the problem with a brain that keeps screaming ' loser' at one. Right now it is hnestly doing it extra much. My selfesteem is at its lowest, my roomies are lucky that they got a lot of costumes and have been working a lot on their cosplays.
I didnt feel like working on the last on Break as I would need expensive materials for the shoes, not to say the shirt looks like crap, I really want to sew a new one but the materials aint there.

An other cosplay I would have had worn at J-popcon 2013 would had been Alibaba Saluja from Magi, I got all the materials, but again I first started on it 2 days ago, I finished the pants, more or less ( just need elastic ) but with 3 persons around me I cant focus at all especially when they all three stress on their costumes despite its only a belt and some prop for the cosplay show they need atm.. >>;
While I need 2 shirts, a bootcover, a jacket-thing and well to finish the boots for Break and the details on his arms..

Problem; The stuff I bought yesterday have magically dissappeared and isnt to be foudn anywhere around the area I got in the apartment ( area = bed )

It all doesnt make it bettter that I might have cysts in my ovaries so moving to much around or makign a rong movement will bring sharp pains.. Yes I am going to get it checked at the doctor... Again... But first when I have changed doctor..

I am sorry for just writing this crappy entry but I just need to get my frustrations over being such a loser out. I shouldnt all myself a cosplayer when I honestly havent finished any projects for years.
That would just be ridicolous.

Hope the others who are going to the con will ahve a great time, friday I will just be in my visual kei shirt with a random wig and some drawing tools as I will feel the need for drawing there, despite being allergic to paper..

// Yokume

6:19 PM

A new start in a new city

So, what happend since last journal-entry? I must really get better at updating this ^^,

I got a lot to tell to be honest.
1. Back in november I was at the hospital with servere pain in my left hip and a high fever, was there for three long and stressful to not say painful days. They didnt find any source for the pain so they told me to jut go back home, that it might be stress or a hard stomache.. ( Still got the pains once in a while, so I honestly doubt its any of those things since it felt like something inside me broke :/ ) Have searched up about the pain on danish pages and nothing turned up, but when I got to english sites I found that its likely it can be a cyste or cancer in the ovaries. I hope mostly for the cyste part tbh, though I'm worried about eventual operation and how long I then would have to be at a hospital, then getting home and welp... Yeah, lets just say I got a lot of stairs to get up on now...

2. The day after I got out of the hospital, I moved to Copenhagen, where I now am living with my bro/best friend and his girlfriend. ( Whom both are cosplayers, just on a way higher level than me )

3. I am by now waiting for a letter from my new caseworker about a case where I might get under a special made education for me. If I dont get the permission to get this education, welp then I guess its just about biting the teeth hard together and go to the jobless-office tell them wth to do when I have been in their system for 5½ years, without getting anywhere. Not jobwise nor education wise, and the gods may know I do my part for trying to find an education and job I can handle OTL;

So after that I am now sitting looking at cosplays to make for the nearby conventions. Still havent figured out 100% who to cosplay when though. But I have a sorta idea of whom to cosplay:
Alibaba  - Magi the labyrinth of magic
Yujin - Vampire Game
And Senri from +Anima

And that is about it... Well for J-popcon in March that is.. Dont really know about SVS-con..

// Yokume

4:17 PM

just wanted

.. To kill the old blog entry xD

So ya, what I've been up to latel? not really naything much.. This wednesday I hang out with some friends and had fun stalking a photoshoot and playing wih water, even though my pants got really wet ^^;
I bought a blond wig from Emi and later bought a bracelet Im gonna use the pearls from for a bracelet to a cosplay that the blonde wig is also for.

Im gonna cosplay Femris

This guy.. He is owned by Nyrietta on deviantArt.com TWT 
His real name is Fenris, but its quite a long joke about hm plying truth or dare where he got dared into wearing one of his young mistress's dresses ^^;

Im pretty much looking forward to this cosplay even though Im gonna show super much legs >///<"


4:17 AM

Late nights fear

..or early mornings nightmare..

Its as you take it I guess...
Just wanted to rant abit about my situation right now: Its 4 am, I ate chips before i brushed my teeth, and now i an feel i have some chips-ew-ew something stuck in one of my teeth, which also is bleeding in my try of getting the stuff away >< M nail aint long enough to perk it away, and theres no toothsticks in the house ><... which now have led to me being in halfway panic because of it ><..
Yesterday I also took to my parents apartment which led me to have to give nearl 400 danish kroner for both busticket and trainticket ><.. So xpensive, usualy it osts nearly 200 kr.. So ya.. m not gonna do very much this month, my wallet wont allow that. I've already lent 6000 kr from my mother cause else i wouldnt have any electricity now TT_TT We need to figure out how to pay her back.. If I was good enough at drawing i would do commissons, but rly lets realize it: i will never be good at drawing, and people wouldnt pay anythng for it.. So lets face it: I probably wont be able to go to Genkicon this year, which I else had looked forward to because its at my brthday AND I turn 22 years T3T Such an oldfart.

I've also become a tutor in a group rp on dA named Hiems Mansion.. ( the group: http://hiems-mansion.deviantart.com )  I guess I spent too much time being at dA? But I cant help it.. These guys really help me when my mood is terrible ^w^

Sems like fate really have hated me this week. * sigh *

Oh well I will try to get some sleep on the couch now.. My littlesister will come tomorrow too. Either m gonna be pissed off of her or i wil just ignore her... lol.. thats how me and my sister is together.. but sometimes we go to the cinema to look at insane and scary movies.. its something we have together.. The scarier the better 8D We both really enoy the asian horror movies TwT

And now I feel like writing a story.. I should try to focus on the book I will write and publish.. But more about that in an other entry else this will be too long ^^;

// Yokume

2:25 AM

A small new update

And I'm back ^^,

Right now Im back in my own, and very cold, apartment, drinking some christmas tea while watching television. Im beng horrible lonely and feel like I can cry any time. I wish I had something I could sew on, but I dont. Im not looking forward to chekng my mailbox tomorrow at al since Ive been away in like 5-6 weeks O_O" But Ive had a great time in Copenhagen. I eally wanna save up money enough to be able to get a new apartment next year, closer to Copenhagen and my dear beloved friends... But I also need a new sewingmachine, iron and ironboard __ __" Mostly a nw sewing mahine, Hopefully I will buy one next month so I can start on making my costumes for Genki-con in the start of August.
I have already bought a pair of lenses for the one of the cosplays: Sugata from Star Driver! 8D

I have the fabric for the vest, and I already have the shirt + think I know where to get the shoes. So actually its only the minor details I need now.. Like pants and a wig ( <-which I also have found a perfect example of I hope to by as soon as I have activated and gotten my new bankcard with my paypal. )
I will upload some pictures of the W.I.P of the vest when I have found the right thread for it.. and made a new and better boob-killing 'strammer' ^^;

OBS: If you want news on the rat-stuff I mostly have been writing about it at my other livejounal blog: http://hyachiku.livejournal.com/

// Yokume

10:34 PM

Day of celebration


Long time no talk.. I know my last blogentry was pretty emo-ish but I really felt down at that time, luckily my mood is changing to the better now. All thanks to all the friends there have been around me lately. <33
Today ( May 1st 2011 ) It is a year since I moved to Zealand, the island in Denmark I really love and have found facinating since the first time I visited it at the age of 11 or so ^^,
So to celebrate it I took the offer the s-trains have each 1st sunday in a new month; free s-trains. So a bit sleepy but yet happy, I took the bus to the trainstation where my s-train were 10 minutes late >>', so when it actually came it was super stuffed and it was only by pure luck I got a seat to sit on. In Copenhagen I changed to an other S-train to Hillerød, cause I really wanted to visit a castle and I knew Hillerød have a very beautiful castle called Frederiksborg Castle. It is said to be one of the most beautiful castles in the northern Europe, which I really kinda believe, cause It really took my breath when I saw the first view of it. lying there being all romantic in a lake. I had charged my battery for my camer and emptied the memorycard so I could take as many pictures of possible, which I also did. All in all I spent around 5-6 hours just in the museum part of the castle. I also were out in the huge and very nice baroque garden, which is an copy of one the King Christian the VI I think it was, made on the other side of the lake, so people could see it almost every time they were looking out of the windows ( Whcih all had a very nice view, either to the garden or to the courtyard with its amasing springwater ( I also learned that one of the kings that lived there had a springwater in his room x'D ) All in all it was so very amusing, and the weather really were on my side. I would really love to make a photoshoot there once..
Maybe an Anastasia photoshoot when I am done with the dress?

I got filled my memory card with pictures I will upload here http://hyachiku.deviantart.com/ and on this blog or my livejournal ^^,

On the way home it began to rain, and a single lightning  pierced the sky what I saw.. It also hailed.. Pretty weird and very suddenly cold and windy weather >>'. But in the train there were ok space, just untill we came to Østerport station, where we ended up being so crammed that I felt like a canned fish. It didnt make it very much better in the train to Albertslund, where there, if possible, were so many people that I was scared that some might fall out when the doors opened. I was forced to stand up, in a room between 4 doors, with 4 prams, and a bike... 7 children and 19 adults, myself included ( Yes I counted! ). We were so stucked up that I had trouble to keep myself calm as I nearly got a panic/fear-attack ><' But I survived... Luckily.. Though one of the others stared evil at me shaking her head and poiting at me as if I were a kid who did something wrong >>'

Just cheked my mail and see I got accepted on being one of the many cosplayers trying to be a part of the 'CosplayIdols' Lol not that I feel like a idol or awesome. Actually the only reason why I sent an entry was cause I was bored and I thought it might be fun to try out.. :/ Well. Im really surprised how many there already are who have voted ( last I cheked 45 in only 5 hours! Ö ) But ya..I can always use a vote more so please click on the photo/link/utton-thingy down there, and vote for me, it will make me happy as if I win I will get a chance for spending a lot of money on cosplay without thinking about the money for food and trains and such. What I've undertood at least.. lol

Cosplay idolYokume as Undertaker
Join Otaku House Cosplay Idol

// Yokume

1:09 AM

Nerves and ruins

Warning: This is pretty much a ranting entry-thing! So if you dont like to read rant and that kind of stuff I recommend you to stop reading right now.!

Lately my life have been feeling pretty much worthless.. I have been taking care of a friends apartment and her cats while she have beenon a trip to Australia. I had thought that I got money this month but no. So I have lived on one meal each day the last 20 days.. All have been pasta that I was permitted by my friend to eat while she was away * sigh *
Not enough that I havent any money, the en of last month I got a warning by my out-renter, my rent have gotten higher it seems but I dont know how much and I cant contact my out-renter, + I havent been able to pay the rent for this month so Im so friggin nervous that when I get back to my apartment that I will have gotten a not saying that I have been kicked out >_<
My father have serveral times called me, saying how disappointed he is in me. I still dont know anything about what I will with my future, and tomorrow ( in 11 hours ) I will be at aforced meeting with my case-worker, and Im so scared and nervous about it, that I havent been able to eat anything since I got her call this monday. I have tried serveral times to eat something but no matter how small it is, im ending up in vomitting it up again ><.
I feel disgusting and last week I was in the middle of a drama 2 days before I had been backstapped by two different people about two different things, it might end up me not being able t trust anything. Not the commune, not my friends...

Im wandering around in this world with no goal in my life. being a gum-ball/jumping-ball between the kommune-people. I look around at people around me all more or less in education or know what they want with their life, but I have no idea, and the kommune keep being like " youre not good for education or work, but we will try you out anyway " and it has been like that the last 4 years. Fuck my life.
Im not afraid to admit that I have been thinking about suicide the last week, only think keeping me from doing so was my friends cats and her apartment, the feeling that I was inresponcible  for not taking care of the cats or apartment and instead being a dead body somewhere in her apartment, or near the little lake... People may call me emo or dramaqueen when they read this, but I dont care. I feel like shit. Some trash there shouldnt be here.
And about te meeting tomorrow: of course its in a 'holyday' so I only have money till getting to the meeting, not to get home again or anywhere.. wtf am I gonna do. I know Im gonna get a breakdown anytime now.. So scared and nervous.. just wanna say goodbye to my life. The kommune will never ever learn about me, they will probably just call me lazy, and if I tell about my weightloss I have had lately they will prolly just send me on a place for people with eating disorders...

I want to actually know what I want with my life!! >_<
For the ones who have actually been reading all this crap: congratulation, now youre at the end of one of my emorants and fustrationrants... FML

// Yokume